So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
