from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize