I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
