where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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