i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
