please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
