i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize