that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
