I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
