You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
