so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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