The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
