I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize