Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
