I hate your face
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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