Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
