Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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