How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize