omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
