You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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