Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
