Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
