I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
