What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we made out on top of his cat.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
