Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
