Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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