there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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