i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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