grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
