i just wanna soil my oats bro
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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