I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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