If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
