Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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