I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
