I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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