So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
