if you like me you must not know who I am
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
