okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
