After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize