she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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