The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
