I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
