No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize