I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
