Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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