best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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