fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
