Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
