Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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