I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
