Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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