Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
