Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
