ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
