I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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