It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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