No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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