just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
