I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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