I'm drive I can fine osifer
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
