Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The air was thick with penises
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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