Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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