dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
