If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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