Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Found the puke drawer
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
