like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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