New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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