Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
