We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
