dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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