There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
