I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
